Reflections on Kindergarten (and us)

Kindergarten ended today. This school year has so many ups and downs. If someone would have told me a year ago that kindergarten would be so hard, I wouldn't have believed them. On one hand, it's very sad to see this year end. Austin will be going into 1st grade, a grade with a number. Never again will he be in a letter grade or a cute class name like Ladybug or Butterfly. On the other hand, thank GOD this year has ended.

This time last year Austin was ready to go to kindergarten. He was excited and asked me every day when it would start and when he could ride the bus. We had such high hopes for Austin's kindergarten year. We knew he'd impress everyone with his brilliance and just knew he'd make friends easily.

Starting kindergarten was rough to say the least. Almost immediately, Austin started having problems. At first, it was just the transition from a familiar place with familiar faces to a place where he didn't know anything or anyone. Of course there would be a period of transition, of him learning the ropes. We knew that. But things didn't get better, after one week, two weeks, three weeks. Within the first week, Austin was sent to the principal's office, timeout, the counselor, and the teacher was calling us. We were having conferences and felt that we were having to defend Austin (and ourselves) against the school. They weren't challenging him enough, we said, which was true at the time. Austin's a very smart kid and retains a lot of information. If the teacher was giving him a circle to color, he'd have none of this. He enjoys reading encyclopedias at home and books about weather. Plus, he's already colored a circle in preschool.

And, our request wasn't granted when we asked for a teacher who would be firm with Austin. We got a 20-something, cute blonde and very sweet teacher. Maybe this was the issue. Had he been placed in another class, we wouldn't have these problems.

We were convinced that this wasn't the real Austin they were seeing. Austin's a kind, thoughtful kid. There was no way that he'd spit on someone or squirt ketchup in their face or throw rocks at someone or punch someone. Just no way. There were timeouts daily, spankings, privileges taken away, and Austin didn't seem to care. The next day at school it was the same old story. A phone call from the school saying Austin had done this or said that. Now, Austin was marked as the kid that would misbehave, be sent to the principal's office, be written up for something so minor that back in the day a teacher would handle themselves in the classroom.

By October, we finally talked to the pediatrician who referred us to a psychologist. We, along with the teacher, filled out questionnaires about Austin. No surprise that the answers were totally different. The psychologist went to the school and observed Austin and his interactions with his peers and his teacher. At that point, he hadn't made many friends because of his behavior; he'd make other kids uncomfortable with the way he'd play.

We knew ADHD would be the diagnosis before it was even said. We've denied it for a long time but I think we've known all along. From the time that Austin was a toddler, he was so much more active than other toddlers. He'd never sit down long enough to color or paint. The longest he'd sit still was to read a book. He'd get frustrated very easily at not being able to complete a fairly simple task and would get distracted and wander around. He was impulsive, never linking actions with consequences. We'd always review the rules and he'd repeat them but then break one immediately.

After meds were started, we saw changes at school. We started a behavior plan with the school and in combination with the meds, everything was rocking along. Christmas break came and went and with the starting of school started the behaviors all over again. The teacher even asked if we'd changed or discontinued his meds and we hadn't. At Austin's 6 year check up, we talked to the pediatrician again and increased his meds. When we saw how Austin reacted, we backed down and started seeing the psychologist again.

We came to realize that we had to change ourselves and our reactions to Austin and his behavior in order for him to change and feel good about himself. So, we started changing things at home. And changing his diet. It couldn't hurt, right? Changing his diet and our discipline has made Austin happier and our home happier. Who would have thought that cutting out artificial colors and changing to organic produce would make that much of a difference!

The end of the year has been far better than the beginning. Hindsight being what it is, Austin's teacher was exactly what he needed to make the transition to elementary school. She was creative and loving and patient. She taught him a lot about shapes and reading and math which he loves. Austin is already missing her.

We've learned a lot about our Austin and ourselves and our family. We just expected things to go perfectly because that's just how it's supposed to go, right? There were many things that went wrong this year. But there was a lot that was right about this year. Austin has gotten the help that he needs to be successful in school. We have learned how to be better parents, the kind that Austin needs. Austin made some new friends. Austin had his first girlfriend and his first crush. Austin learned how to read. Austin learned how to do simple math. Austin learned about cones and cylinders and prisms. And Austin had a great time at school. Sure, things weren't exactly as we expected. But things turned out exactly as they should.